Yes, this weekend the Formula 1 field makes the march to North America and Montreal for the Canadian Grand Prix. Over the years, the Circuit Gilles Villeneuve has produced some thrilling races and huge talking points; this year, the fight for the title between Lewis Hamilton and Sebastian Vettel is in full swing and Canada should be another battleground for the two to do battle. Or something like that. Anyway, let's get the low-down...
What is Canada? Canada was invented by the French in 1535, and like all good French things, the British had to stick their beaks in and ruin it. The Brits have also ruined further French inventions, such as nouvelle cuisine, mayonnaise and Bastille Day.
Technically, it was the Americans who ruined mayonnaise, but recent political rumblings have displayed that we're complicit in everything they do.
Canada is well-known for its almost indecent infatuation with maple syrup. This is made from the sap of maple trees, and is usually doused on top of anything that can be eaten by humans to make it more "palatable". It also lends its name to "maple syrup urine disease", which is unrelated.
According to a website which deals in facts about Canada (where do you think I get this sh*t from), Canada has the third largest oil reserves in the world, and only Saudi Arabia and Venezuela have more natural reserves. With that in mind, it's massively surprising that serial Sunny D enthusiast Donald Trump hasn't thrown US troops north over the border. Maybe he's scared of polar bears.
Canada is also the home of frozen food heroes Pinty's. Just like you get at the pub!
In the motorsport world, Canada is best known for having spawned mouth-on-a-stick Jacques Villeneuve. Villeneuve, son of the late Gilles (who was a lot quieter and introverted than the seed of his loins), is a man who is known to frequently argue with brick walls. He also won a world championship this one time, and in a different career as a singer-songwriter released a seminal pop album which was described as "lovely stuff" by Shakin' Stevens.
I've written an article about this. Depending on whether or not I can flog it off elsewhere, it might appear on GPR in due course. I had to listen to the freaking album all the way through.
Currently, Canada's biggest motorsports heroes in other series are IndyCar's James Hinchcliffe, mayor of the thriving metropolis Hinchtown, and DTM's Robert Wickens, who is commonly referred to in the same sentence as "would have been good in F1". F1 has its own Canadian star in Lance Stroll, who is known best for being very wealthy and having lots of money. He might crash every now and again, but he's got lots of money so who actually cares?
A man of many talents, Hinch can dance, host podcasts, do an impression of Kimi Raikkonen and make you wonder why F1 drivers aren't as charismatic as him.
There's your potted history of Canada. Other things Canada is known for includes: ice hockey, Justin Trudeau, Pinty's, Seth Rogen, Justin Bieber, snow, saying "aboot" and "eh" a lot, frequent apologies, Pinty's, Drake, Alanis Morrisette and the unclear definition of irony, more snow, Hayden Christiansen, Pinty's and having a town in Newfoundland called Dildo.
