Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1996: Sex, Drugs, and Espionage
Posted: 08 May 2022, 19:20
Round 13 - DK's Jungle Parkway
Welcome one and all to the opening round of the 1996 Special Cup. We're here at the tropical Donkey Kong Country. This is the only round in DKC this season, held at the new DK Jungle Parkway Circuit, which as you can see looks over some pretty amazing scenery.
The temperatures are predicted to be very high this weekend, so let's see if the drivers can withstand the gruelling pressure of the weekend. Before this weekend, we had the driver switches caused by the purchase of Scuderia Mario by Daisy and Luigi. Now Scuderia SSL Team, they are entering the final four rounds but are ineligible for points. Luigi jumps ship from Mitsuyoshi and is alongside his son, who makes his second grand prix appearance. At the start of the weekend, Kameklaren showed up with Kamek Magikoopa and King Bobomb to again to test runs and impress the crowd on Friday. Someone who didn't impress was Luigi von Sarasaland. The baby was deemed too slow in practice, and will not be allowed to do quali or the race. Let's look forward to a great fun race in this tropical paradise!
It's been a topic of consternation for many of the DKC people that they have felt underrepresented in the new formula and regulations. Diddy and Donkey Kong will have something to prove this weekend So, 11 runners this weekend. Let's get to it.
Q1 time. The BMWs go out and are predictably quite fast. Luigi in spite of his best efforts is quite slow. It is, after all, literally just an SM vehicle with new paint. Redsaurus does a not-terrible lap on his first run. Para Troopa on the other hand drove straight into the river after misjudging the giant jump. The KoopraSports and DKR karts come out and Toad goes fastest of the lot. Only HBRT remain, and it's underwhelming from the both of them. Bowser fastest in Q1, with Spike and Birdo a distant 7th and 9th.
Q2 time. Para Troopa continues to fight for ROTY as he fluffs up again. His old teammate Luigi goes faster even. Birdo does a semi-decent lap while Spike and Redsaurus both make small errors. There's no distractions for DK III, the home hero, who goes fastest ahead of Birdo. He's then pipped by a tenth by his teammate Lewis Hammerton . Toad splits the DKRs. Wario goes fastest, and Bowser is behind him! Wario takes pole ahead of Bowser by a tenth. Will it be a third win on the trot for the defending champion?
Redsaurus and Para Troopa, the two Mitsuyoshi runners were very vocal after qualifying, regarding what they perceived as some kind of "internal conflict" in Donkey Kong Country. In Q2, smoke was seen rising in the distance on the tv cameras, with independent press reporting to have been caused by Kremling rebels. The refinery hit in question appears to have been some kind of banana plantation. Nobody was hurt in the explosion, but doubts have been raised as to the safety of the event. After MKDA head Luigi led a discussion panel with the drivers, the MIA and the DKC race organisers, a meeting that took multiple hours ended with the drivers being "persuaded" to continue racing in the state. One driver said off the record that the race officials were not going to be allowed to leave Donkey Kong Country without the race going ahead. Whatever other demands are in store, they have not been publicised yet but that stuff's boooooring. Let's go to the race on Sunday!
Race Day now. Wario starts from what is only his third pole this season. It's a heated day today, not just because of the heat but because there's still smoke rising from the other side of this jungle. Can the drivers keep their heads on? They're starting their engines. And it's go go go It's the shortest start straight on the calendar, Redsaurus somehow misses it, going straight on! Given it's his first race, we can't be too harsh. DK III is weaving all over the place. He's trying to get past Toad but to no avail, and goes onto the grass a few times. Yhey come to the bridge now and are boosting over the river. But one person misjudges: it's Para Troopa! He's in the drink for the second time this weekend, and out of the race. In sector two we see a lot of passing. Foreman Spike is making his way through the field after a poor Saturday: Luigi and his teammate Birdo are the first victims. Koopa is having heating problems and is plum last. As they go into the bottleneck to start sector 3, DK III makes it past Toad for P4. Yhe crowd go crazy as the field make it to the cave. Wario struggles for grip coming out of the cave tunnel, and Bowser powers on with faster acceleration. Bowser takes the lead going into lap 2!
Lap 2 is seeing less action as always. Aery low attrition here: much lower than we were expecting given the heat. DK is looking for third place to beat his teammate Lewis Hammerton . However, he is making so many mistakes and going on the grass that he is in danger of losing the place again to Toad. Redsaurus is catching Luigi as we go into the final lap. Bowser sets the fastest lap but it's absolutely nip and tuck between him and a furious Wario. Now the heat is getting to them. The lap times are dropping as we approach the second minute. The BMWs are holding station, and are even being caught by Lewis Hammerton who is really going. Luigi is starting to show signs of weakness. His kart is in tatters and the wheels are green with the grass they've been running over. Koopa, who was in last, misjudges the bridge entry on the final turn and falls into the bottom of the waterfall, but he's ok! In a very close finish, the top three go across the line and it's Bowser who takes his fourth win of the season and keeps the championship alive! Wario second, Hammerton third and DK III fourth.
Race Results
After a five-race pointless streak, DK III scores his first point since his victory at Choco Mountain.
Updated Driver Standings
Updated Constructor Standings
With three races to go, now only a BMW can win the championship. With a 10 point lead, it's obviously in Wario's favour. But he can't afford mistakes like today against his teammate.
Welcome one and all to the opening round of the 1996 Special Cup. We're here at the tropical Donkey Kong Country. This is the only round in DKC this season, held at the new DK Jungle Parkway Circuit, which as you can see looks over some pretty amazing scenery.
The temperatures are predicted to be very high this weekend, so let's see if the drivers can withstand the gruelling pressure of the weekend. Before this weekend, we had the driver switches caused by the purchase of Scuderia Mario by Daisy and Luigi. Now Scuderia SSL Team, they are entering the final four rounds but are ineligible for points. Luigi jumps ship from Mitsuyoshi and is alongside his son, who makes his second grand prix appearance. At the start of the weekend, Kameklaren showed up with Kamek Magikoopa and King Bobomb to again to test runs and impress the crowd on Friday. Someone who didn't impress was Luigi von Sarasaland. The baby was deemed too slow in practice, and will not be allowed to do quali or the race. Let's look forward to a great fun race in this tropical paradise!
It's been a topic of consternation for many of the DKC people that they have felt underrepresented in the new formula and regulations. Diddy and Donkey Kong will have something to prove this weekend So, 11 runners this weekend. Let's get to it.
Q1 time. The BMWs go out and are predictably quite fast. Luigi in spite of his best efforts is quite slow. It is, after all, literally just an SM vehicle with new paint. Redsaurus does a not-terrible lap on his first run. Para Troopa on the other hand drove straight into the river after misjudging the giant jump. The KoopraSports and DKR karts come out and Toad goes fastest of the lot. Only HBRT remain, and it's underwhelming from the both of them. Bowser fastest in Q1, with Spike and Birdo a distant 7th and 9th.
Q2 time. Para Troopa continues to fight for ROTY as he fluffs up again. His old teammate Luigi goes faster even. Birdo does a semi-decent lap while Spike and Redsaurus both make small errors. There's no distractions for DK III, the home hero, who goes fastest ahead of Birdo. He's then pipped by a tenth by his teammate Lewis Hammerton . Toad splits the DKRs. Wario goes fastest, and Bowser is behind him! Wario takes pole ahead of Bowser by a tenth. Will it be a third win on the trot for the defending champion?
Redsaurus and Para Troopa, the two Mitsuyoshi runners were very vocal after qualifying, regarding what they perceived as some kind of "internal conflict" in Donkey Kong Country. In Q2, smoke was seen rising in the distance on the tv cameras, with independent press reporting to have been caused by Kremling rebels. The refinery hit in question appears to have been some kind of banana plantation. Nobody was hurt in the explosion, but doubts have been raised as to the safety of the event. After MKDA head Luigi led a discussion panel with the drivers, the MIA and the DKC race organisers, a meeting that took multiple hours ended with the drivers being "persuaded" to continue racing in the state. One driver said off the record that the race officials were not going to be allowed to leave Donkey Kong Country without the race going ahead. Whatever other demands are in store, they have not been publicised yet but that stuff's boooooring. Let's go to the race on Sunday!
Race Day now. Wario starts from what is only his third pole this season. It's a heated day today, not just because of the heat but because there's still smoke rising from the other side of this jungle. Can the drivers keep their heads on? They're starting their engines. And it's go go go It's the shortest start straight on the calendar, Redsaurus somehow misses it, going straight on! Given it's his first race, we can't be too harsh. DK III is weaving all over the place. He's trying to get past Toad but to no avail, and goes onto the grass a few times. Yhey come to the bridge now and are boosting over the river. But one person misjudges: it's Para Troopa! He's in the drink for the second time this weekend, and out of the race. In sector two we see a lot of passing. Foreman Spike is making his way through the field after a poor Saturday: Luigi and his teammate Birdo are the first victims. Koopa is having heating problems and is plum last. As they go into the bottleneck to start sector 3, DK III makes it past Toad for P4. Yhe crowd go crazy as the field make it to the cave. Wario struggles for grip coming out of the cave tunnel, and Bowser powers on with faster acceleration. Bowser takes the lead going into lap 2!
Lap 2 is seeing less action as always. Aery low attrition here: much lower than we were expecting given the heat. DK is looking for third place to beat his teammate Lewis Hammerton . However, he is making so many mistakes and going on the grass that he is in danger of losing the place again to Toad. Redsaurus is catching Luigi as we go into the final lap. Bowser sets the fastest lap but it's absolutely nip and tuck between him and a furious Wario. Now the heat is getting to them. The lap times are dropping as we approach the second minute. The BMWs are holding station, and are even being caught by Lewis Hammerton who is really going. Luigi is starting to show signs of weakness. His kart is in tatters and the wheels are green with the grass they've been running over. Koopa, who was in last, misjudges the bridge entry on the final turn and falls into the bottom of the waterfall, but he's ok! In a very close finish, the top three go across the line and it's Bowser who takes his fourth win of the season and keeps the championship alive! Wario second, Hammerton third and DK III fourth.
Race Results
After a five-race pointless streak, DK III scores his first point since his victory at Choco Mountain.
Updated Driver Standings
Updated Constructor Standings
With three races to go, now only a BMW can win the championship. With a 10 point lead, it's obviously in Wario's favour. But he can't afford mistakes like today against his teammate.