RWRS Lawnmower Race - 2015

[Aerond]

...and Chris Dagnall accepts the challenge!

[the Masked Lapwing]

And I'll throw out a challenge to that cretin Rhys Davies as well. And Chris Dagnall, but the latter more out of the spirit of competition than any malice as disliking Daggers is a sin punishable by papaya cannon. Hating on Daggers Jr however is an entirely different ballgame

Bring it on

There is one spot left on the entry list. I honestly didn't think we'd get there this quickly, but there you go. For the drivers on the reserve, they'll all be invited to take part in a race between themselves during part 3 (including Hirate, seeing as this is a similar case to Pippa Mann).

When challenges are accepted, could the one who started it then confirm exactly who will competing in these races, so that I don't have to try to figure it out myself (otherwise you all end up in one race and knowing some of these drivers, that could get ugly very quickly )

[Vepe]

Many people believe, that Jan de Friis was drunk when he entered... And they're correct.

[Salamander]

Aw man, this is gonna be so great! It's practically a parade of complete and total losers! ... though where the hell is Zimmer? It's not really complete if you don't have the biggest clown of all on show...

[the Masked Lapwing]

Right then, with 72 entries, I think I'll draw the heats now, so people can prepare to be hit by Voeckler.

There will be four heats, and the top 4 from each heat will continue through to the finals (and don't complain, so few drivers getting through was the main reason I came up with Part 3, which I should give a proper name to...)
This means there will be 18 mowers per heat. I've simply used random.org to decide the lineups.

HEAT 1:
7. Frank Zimmer
9. Dean Melville
12. Gianluigi Pazzini
14. Benoit Voeckler
17. Shane Walsh
21. Andrea Battani
33. Quentin Reatherson
34. Paul Travesen
38. Martyn Rietacher
42. Thomas Butler
43. Laura Wener
45. Sammy Jones
52. Mustafa Kurniawan
53. Thiago Mazzacane
54. Michael Cameron
58. Jari Lappalainen
62. Gia van Dycke
65. Juan Manuel Scalabroni

HEAT 2:
2. Phillippe Nicolas
5. James Douglas
10. Bastiaan van Nieuwenhuijzen
11. Marcel Agyemang-Badu
24. Thomas De Bock
26. Laurent Seron
27. Eric Swerts
28. Simon Mestach
41. Poppy Whitechapel
47. Terry Hawkin
56. Jiri Komarek
59. Simon Garfunkel
60. Wouter Lamberigts
61. Ron Mignolet
68. Jalmerson da Cunha
69. Patrick Feldhoffer
72. Rick Simpson
73. Jan de Friis

HEAT 3:
8. Daniel Melville
13. Olafur Ragnar Hannesson
20. Jason Hamilton
29. James Davies
30. Jordan Davies
31. Behrman Reith
32. Nestra Aya
35. Gary Pacer
37. David Koczo
40. Damon Cannon
44. George MacDrage
46. Danny van Rijkens
48. Steven Mackintosh
50. Hendra Naufal
57. Jules Vergne
64. Judd McAllister
66. Victoria Desai
70. Nathan Scott

HEAT 4:
3. Mitchell Macklin
4. Joel Melrose
6. Rhys Davies
15. Phil McCracken
16. Tristan Jung
18. Roberto Zayas
19. Collin Pratchett
22. Mika Paasonen
23. Deiter Hallenstien
25. Aurelien Moll
36. Martin van der Maeyede
39. Franc Piscine
49. Dave Anderson
51. Hiroto Tojo
55. Nathanael Cameron
63. Raul Souto Maior
67. Stephanie Brown
71. Dave Simpson

And John Zimmer will be up for a race against F1RGP2C James Davies, now that both are practically old men

[Aerond]

Wherr the bathplug is Chris Dagnall?

[Phoenix]

Wherr the bathplug is Chris Dagnall?

And Francesco Fagioli and Phoenix McAllister as well

[DemocalypseNow]

Wherr the bathplug is Chris Dagnall?

Did not race in 2015, and for some reason TMLW is being really picky about eligibility! So he's not allowed in...

[Aerond]

Wherr the bathplug is Chris Dagnall?

Did not race in 2015, and for some reason TMLW is being really picky about eligibility! So he's not allowed in...

Oh come on, there's people getting in up to 5 or 6 drivers and I can't get two?????

[the Masked Lapwing]

Well, you never did enter Dagnall for the main event anyway, you only accepted a challenge from Melrose.

[Aerond]

Oh, the fact that I didn't say it in a explicit way means you couldn't use your brain and include him???

[the Masked Lapwing]

Oh, the fact that I didn't say it in a explicit way means you couldn't use your brain and include him???

It wasn't even remotely clear that you wanted him in there!

...and Chris Dagnall accepts the challenge!

That does not even mention the main event, and I figured if you wanted Dagnall to race you'd've mentioned him when you entered Scott!

And Phoenix, you seemed to have missed the bit where I said McAllister and Fagioli weren't able to compete.

[Salamander]

Oh, the fact that I didn't say it in a explicit way means you couldn't use your brain and include him???

It wasn't even remotely clear that you wanted him in there!

...and Chris Dagnall accepts the challenge!

That does not even mention the main event, and I figured if you wanted Dagnall to race you'd've mentioned him when you entered Scott!

Yeah, sorry Aerond, but I don't see how Lappy could've extrapolated that you wanted to enter Dagnall for the main event, especially given that there are plenty of challenge-only drivers. Besides, it was stated in the first post that it was only open to people who raced in RWRS/RDS in 2015, which Dagnall hasn't.

[Londoner]

This is f***ing brilliant yeah! Look at all the losers and tossers in my group! A load of imbeciles and sassenachs who had to go through the RDS, obviously because they were so crap they couldn't even impress in karts! James Davis? Who the f*** is he? Oh yeah, I remember, that idiot whose car would always break down in that silly F1-lite series from like 20 years ago, yet he always though he was the best! Ha, the world has moved on, my friend. You are looking at the best, you are listening to the best. You never were the best.

And with that, let World War Three commence.

[Salamander]

This is f***ing brilliant yeah! Look at all the losers and tossers in my group! A load of imbeciles and sassenachs who had to go through the RDS, obviously because they were so crap they couldn't even impress in karts! James Davis? Who the f*** is he? Oh yeah, I remember, that idiot whose car would always break down in that silly F1-lite series from like 20 years ago, yet he always though he was the best! Ha, the world has moved on, my friend. You are looking at the best, you are listening to the best. You never were the best.

That's a good question, my delusional Scottish friend. Who the bloody hell is James Davis? I've never heard of anyone go by that name anywhere ever. Do you maybe mean my loser of a namesake? The guy who probably could've won the 2012 F1RWRS if he didn't decide he wanted out-Moreno Moreno and successfully lose a championship to Pippa Mann? ...maybe not, I don't think that guy was active 20 years ago. You couldn't possibly mean me, I mean, I'm only here because Zimmer decided he wanted everyone to know exactly how big a loser he is. The rest of this rodeo is just entertainment for me.

So, let's get a few things straight: One, you haven't even made it past F3RWRS. Maybe make sure you actually make it to the top before you start proclaiming you're the best. Second, you might wanna go back to school and figure out those letters, and possibly how to discern two people who have the same name from each other, and how to spell things correctly. Third, when I take Zimmer to the cleaners, you'd better be taking notes. That's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity there, kid, don't let it pass you by. Now, you get all 3 of those things down, maybe I'll start considering you a driver and not a total loser. You got it? Great. I'm done wasting my time with you. Now be a good little clown, go out there, and make that loser parade something hilarious.

Yeah, I'm not even going to go anywhere near that.

Good! We don't need your loser ass breaking transmissions!

[pasta_maldonado]

This is f***ing brilliant yeah! Look at all the losers and tossers in my group! A load of imbeciles and sassenachs who had to go through the RDS, obviously because they were so crap they couldn't even impress in karts! James Davis? Who the f*** is he? Oh yeah, I remember, that idiot whose car would always break down in that silly F1-lite series from like 20 years ago, yet he always though he was the best! Ha, the world has moved on, my friend. You are looking at the best, you are listening to the best. You never were the best.

And you think you are the best? Huh? Let's see what you got, Jock - I bet a tenner that you've got less talent than Channoch Nissany.

[Salamander]

This is f***ing brilliant yeah! Look at all the losers and tossers in my group! A load of imbeciles and sassenachs who had to go through the RDS, obviously because they were so crap they couldn't even impress in karts! James Davis? Who the f*** is he? Oh yeah, I remember, that idiot whose car would always break down in that silly F1-lite series from like 20 years ago, yet he always though he was the best! Ha, the world has moved on, my friend. You are looking at the best, you are listening to the best. You never were the best.

And you think you are the best? Huh? Let's see what you got, Jock - I bet a tenner that you've got less talent than Channoch Nissany.

Ha! I like the way you think! Twenty says he'll never make a start in F1RWRS.

[pasta_maldonado]

This is f***ing brilliant yeah! Look at all the losers and tossers in my group! A load of imbeciles and sassenachs who had to go through the RDS, obviously because they were so crap they couldn't even impress in karts! James Davis? Who the f*** is he? Oh yeah, I remember, that idiot whose car would always break down in that silly F1-lite series from like 20 years ago, yet he always though he was the best! Ha, the world has moved on, my friend. You are looking at the best, you are listening to the best. You never were the best.

And you think you are the best? Huh? Let's see what you got, Jock - I bet a tenner that you've got less talent than Channoch Nissany.

Ha! I like the way you think! Twenty says he'll never make a start in F1RWRS.

Forty says he'll be a bigger failure than Benoit Voeckler

[SuperAguri]

So have I left it too late to enter Barii Mori? As I am sure Sammy Jones and Rhys Davies would want a piece of the action. As well as Yuka and Shinobu Katayama and Saeed Al Faisal. Rosco Vantini thinks Lawnmower racing is girly and will be on his yacht entertaining women.

[the Masked Lapwing]

So have I left it too late to enter Barii Mori? As I am sure Sammy Jones and Rhys Davies would want a piece of the action. As well as Yuka and Shinobu Katayama and Saeed Al Faisal. Rosco Vantini thinks Lawnmower racing is girly and will be on his yacht entertaining women.

It's too late for the main event, but there's plenty of time to challenge other drivers (which Davies would be all too happy to accept ). I'll probably leave challenges open until well after I finish the main event.

[Salamander]

F1RWRS James Davies would probably also accept a challenge from Shinobu Katayama.

[the Masked Lapwing]

WHO IS READY FOR LAWNMOWER ACTION?!

If you are, the results of Heat #1 are now up here!
Heat 2 is now up as well.
And now Heat 3!

[the Masked Lapwing]

All four heats are now complete, which means the finals will soon begin. I'll do them in the chat tomorrow morning (Australian time), for those who wish to see who will become the first RWRS Lawnmower champion. It already seems that while some drivers are usually crap, they are more than handy on a lawnmower

[RonDenisDeletraz]

All four heats are now complete, which means the finals will soon begin. I'll do them in the chat tomorrow morning (Australian time), for those who wish to see who will become the first RWRS Lawnmower champion. It already seems that while some drivers are usually crap, they are more than handy on a lawnmower

coughJulesVerngecough

What time in the morning?

[DemocalypseNow]

All of my drivers are out already? After our cars were sabotaged and made stone dead last in NC Indy in a race run by the same organisation as the Lawnmower race?

There is a conspiracy against Alitalia

[the Masked Lapwing]

What time in the morning?

Whenever I wake up. Could be any time from 6 to 10

[TomWazzleshaw]

All of my drivers are out already? After our cars were sabotaged and made stone dead last in NC Indy in a race run by the same organisation as the Lawnmower race?

There is a conspiracy against Alitalia

There is no conspiracy. Your guys are just shite. They got beaten by JDD of all people in France as well

[DemocalypseNow]

All of my drivers are out already? After our cars were sabotaged and made stone dead last in NC Indy in a race run by the same organisation as the Lawnmower race?

There is a conspiracy against Alitalia

There is no conspiracy. Your guys are just shite. They got beaten by JDD of all people in France as well

If it was just because we were shite, we'd still have been faster than Mecha. Which was not the case.

[RonDenisDeletraz]

I assume Juventus is at fault

[DemocalypseNow]

I assume Juventus is at fault

Top investigative work there eurobrun. Of course. They sent one of their agents to Australia (Alessandro Del Piero) to do the dirty work for them, infiltrating the ZimSport organisation and corrupting them, to make Alitalia look bad. The b*****ds.

[TomWazzleshaw]

I assume Juventus is at fault

Top investigative work there eurobrun. Of course. They sent one of their agents to Australia (Alessandro Del Piero) to do the dirty work for them, infiltrating the ZimSport organisation and corrupting them, to make Alitalia look bad. The b*****ds.

And since the Zimmers absolutely despise football and wouldn't recognise Del Piero if he slapped them in the face, they would have been none the wiser. It all makes sense now!

[pi314159]

Great, Thiago Mazzacane made it into the finals.

[Salamander]

Jordan Davies is the top seed. This is fantastic.

[FMecha]

Lawnmowers are piece of cake for me. Just like when I playing those arcade machines and karts. Ahaha!

Gah, idiotic machine I never ever drove. Are Mecha Young Eagles* favoring Kurniawan now?

Anderson, Tojo, and Mackintosh declined to comment.

*Mecha Grand Prix's driver development program.

[AndreaModa]

Jones Livid With "Tampered" Lawnmowers

Sammy Jones was furious in the wake of the RWRS Lawnmower heats as he saw all four of his drivers, including himself, fail to progress to the knockout stages of the competition.

"Some w***er has tampered with these lawnmowers" fumed Jones, "we would have smashed all these whiny little shits into the earth if we'd been able to operate with competitive and equal machinery."

Visibly angered, Jones was approached by members of his own team in an attempt to calm him down, before Phoenix McAllister reportedly yelled, "it's only a f***ing lawnmower race" to which Jones shouted "you'll be mowing my f***ing lawn as part of your community service when I take you down for attempted murder! Those f***ing lawnmowers nearly killed all four of us you tw*t!"

Autosport wisely decided to curtail their interview with Jones following the exchange.

[FMecha]

Jones Livid With "Tampered" Lawnmowers

Sammy Jones was furious in the wake of the RWRS Lawnmower heats as he saw all four of his drivers, including himself, fail to progress to the knockout stages of the competition.

"Some w***er has tampered with these lawnmowers" fumed Jones, "we would have smashed all these whiny little shits into the earth if we'd been able to operate with competitive and equal machinery."

Visibly angered, Jones was approached by members of his own team in an attempt to calm him down, before Phoenix McAllister reportedly yelled, "it's only a f***ing lawnmower race" to which Jones shouted "you'll be mowing my f***ing lawn as part of your community service when I take you down for attempted murder! Those f***ing lawnmowers nearly killed all four of us you tw*t!"

Autosport wisely decided to curtail their interview with Jones following the exchange.

Calm down buddy, the IBR pilots are out too.

[Londoner]

Well, that was most disappointing. My dignity must be tarnished through this endeavour. Never again I say.

Posh sassanach twat, yeah. That Davies clan sabotaged my hopes, probably because I outed the elder one as a useless fraud. Aha.

What the shite are you even on about?! That was a pathetic effort from someone who's head is jammed so far up his black hole he doesn't realise that black hole represents the amount of talent he has - shite all! James Davies was a fantastic, if controversial driver in his day. If anything MacDrage, you're the fraud, for being a horrible imitation of Davies with none of the talent.

I feel for those in the F3 series, I really do.

I wish Davies had just rammed MacDrage off the road.

Note to self, beat this self-effacing imbecile next season.

Damnation

My namesake driver isn't as good as me. Terrible show. I should make her go and drive the 1996 Tyrrell.

[pasta_maldonado]

MVDM won a race from pole?!?!?

[Nessafox]

Quite a piece of Belgian dominance in Heat 2! This is of course not surprising, as Belgium is one big suburbia, with many people having their own lawns, so lots of practice opportunity.

Indeed, you should also check my barbeque skills, big garden party tonight! Dress code: garden gnomes!

Oh gnomeo, where art thou?

i'm used to being naked when i mow my lawn, this 'safety clothing rules' are stupid!

[Ataxia]

i'm used to being naked when i mow my lawn, this 'safety clothing rules' are stupid!

Iz zat 'ow your operation came to be? Put zome clothing on, Monsieur Garrison!