Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

The place for non-canon series, including all series that contain minimal or no references at all to the RWRS universe
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

Super happy reminder that the 1994 Flower Cup is about 24 hours from now, so get your upgrades in if you haven't already.


And for the future wiki record, DK Jr's stats are as follows.

Years active: 1992-1994
Grands Prix: 34
Wins: 3
Podiums: 8
Poles: 3
Fastest laps: 0
Championship points: 52
Drivers championships: 0
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Dom_Wings
Posts: 927
Joined: 14 Jul 2014, 13:44
Location: Czech Republic

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Dom_Wings »

Wario upgrades:

Aero - 1
Grip - 3
Engine - 1 (2 tokens)
Tyres - 1 (2 tokens)
Setup - 2
Qualifying - 2

0 tokens left.
Join the GPR Discord server! https://discord.com/invite/6YDQ3aV
User avatar
Hermann95
Posts: 1218
Joined: 20 Jul 2013, 14:17

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hermann95 »

Bowser would like to make the following upgrades:

2 tokens one engine
2 tokens on tyres
2 tokens on grip
1 token on aero
1 token on setup
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

In spite of all their best efforts to keep the situation calm, the Flower Cup was an ever-increasing disaster site for the MIA. The governing body were desperate for a calm and collected Cup to allow for breathing time after DK Jr's horrifying crash, but instead the fans were treating to ever-increasing calamity.

Firstly, the scrutineering got off to a strong start with newcomer Donkard Kong III failing his debut test. This was hushed, however, and the driver allowed to race, albeit causing the teenager to incur horrific debt. One wonders who else will be caught out by this by season end.

Flower Cup
In spite of some poor reliability from drivers and teams, and in spite of the craziness of 1994 so far, there is still a clear pecking order in terms of pace. Even after 8 races of the season, there has been one non-BMW pole, one non-BMW fastest lap, and BMW have won 5 of the races. Going into the Cup, Wario and Bowser were the two main protagonists with Toad a little further behind.

At Bowser's Castle, the reigning champion won at home to take the outright lead in the championship for the first time this season. A heroic drive from Luigi Mario got Donkworth/Dunklop their first podium, while Lewis Hammerton did the same for Hammeronda/Spikestein, and scoring his own maiden points/podium in the process. All the talk, however, was on Mario and his grand return to motor racing to finish in the points. Toad's pole had shown that, in spite of BMW catching Marioserati in pace, there was still a chance.

And boy did that chance come quickly. A very controversial race followed at Donut Plains. The championship protagonists all crashed out from the lead while Mario scythed through the field to take a mighty comeback win! There was a track invasion as the Italian was lifted from his car in a feat of glory. At the same time, various driver protests took place over the safety of the circuit, and questioning why alt-Mario Kart was driving there in the first place at the site of DK Jr's horrible crash. The MIA, keen to take action, decided to ban Donut Plains from hosting any future events. A bittersweet moment for Mario then, as both of his wins to date have come at the circuit.

After the motorsport world had recovered from the shock of a Mario win, the Choco Island round was rather sedate in comparison, Wario Jumpman, eager to get his title back on track, took a second pole of the cup and dominated from lights to flag to take it back. Again equal on points with Bowser, he takes the lead through countback.

Then at Ghost Valley, further chaos happened. It seemed the championship trio were simply unable to capitalise on each other's mistakes, and what followed was a fiasco resulting in a maiden win for Daisy von Sarasaland. The princess has been improving her form greatly over the winter, and after so many near-misses, has finally taken a win in her 24th race. Teenager DK III took his maiden podium to round out an absolutely crazy Cup that will have the international press reeling for weeks to come.

Standings
Image

Post-cup news was immediate. DK III's appeal was thrown out of court immediately behind closed doors.
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Aislabie
Posts: 1723
Joined: 14 Feb 2016, 11:06

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Aislabie »

Diddy Kong, buoyed by his first-ever points, would like to invest four points each on Aero and Grip. May the racing gods be ever in his favour.
User avatar
Butterfox
Posts: 6039
Joined: 30 Nov 2009, 19:45
Location: Stupid, sexy Flanders.

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Butterfox »

Peach will ask for 2 quali and 2 grip. That's all.
I don't know what i want and i want it now!
Hammercat42
Posts: 41
Joined: 29 Oct 2021, 13:40

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hammercat42 »

Hammer Bros Racing Team, had a phonecall with their engine department for some updates,
HBRT invested some Attribute points into their engine dev and the spec numbers looked promising good for now.

The MIA received a few crates of a new spec Hammeronda engine with the new upgraded chassis for their scrutiny:

Engine: +2 upgrades (4 tokens)
Reliability: +2 (2 tokens)
Grip: +2 (2 tokens

(Had 18 to spend in the new chart, spend 8 of them, have 10 tokens to spend later)
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

All upgrades as of now have been registered and the sheet updated. A reminder that the Star Cup is being run on Tuesday evening CET, so if you haven't upgraded, please do so before then.
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Hermann95
Posts: 1218
Joined: 20 Jul 2013, 14:17

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hermann95 »

Bowser would like to spend 4 points on reliability pls.
User avatar
novitopoli
Site Donor
Site Donor
Posts: 944
Joined: 25 Aug 2014, 16:56

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by novitopoli »

One upgrade each for Aero, Grip, Tyres (2 tokens), Setup and Qualifying.
sw3ishida wrote:Jolyon Palmer brought us closer as a couple, for which I am grateful.


Ataxia wrote:
Londoner wrote:Something I've thought about - what happens to our canon should we have a worldwide recession or some other outside event?

We'll be fine. It's Canon, non Kodak.
User avatar
This Could Be You
Posts: 1342
Joined: 05 Jun 2016, 16:40
Location: Somewhere else

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by This Could Be You »

Equipe Luigier will do two engine upgrades and three grip upgrades please
Your Signature Here

Named after HRT, now on HRT
User avatar
Frogfoot9013
Posts: 537
Joined: 11 Aug 2014, 12:25
Location: Connachta, Éire

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Frogfoot9013 »

Mario Mario shall do 3x aero, 3x grip, 3x quali and 3x setup upgrades.
James Hunt, commentating on the 1991 German Grand Prix wrote:The Benettons looking very smart together on the track, mostly because they're both going so slowly.
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

Star Cup
The MIA finally got what they wanted: a clean and sensible Cup. It didn't come free of charge, however, as the new controversial scrutineering got off to a bad start when DK III, Diddy Kong and Mario all fell foul of it with unsafe vehicles. While Diddy and Mario paid off the MIA to participate regardless with their own bribes, the teenage DK III stormed out of parc fermé and took no part in the Cup. This meant that there were 12 instead of the scheduled 13 runners.

The first race at Mario Circuit - the last Mario Circuit race of the season - saw a comeback for Marioserati as their star driver Toad took a convincing win from pole. It was neck and neck in qualifying between Marioserati and the BMW machine, but Toad was successful, with his win putting him in an unprecedented three-way tie for the championship lead with seven rounds to go.

The second race saw things return somewhat to normal. This time we saw a BMW 1-2 on the grid at Vanilla Lake, which was repeated in the race. This time it was the Marioserati runners who embarrassed themselves with a double-retirement while BMW stormed to their second 1-2 finish of the year. Bowser was on pole but Wario overtook him during the race.

The third race was a very grounded, sensible affair with yet another 1-2 BMW on the grid that was followed by a 1-2 finish in the race. Again, Wario had the upper hand and now looks like the clear favourite ahead of Bowser for the championship. Odds are more likely than not that BMW will have a second champion in 1994, whoever it may be.

It was the Cup Finale where the drama really took hold. Bowser's Castle held its third race of the season, and it was an unforgettable one. Bowser always goes well here, and indeed he was on pole again. Koopa outqualified both Marioseratis to take 3rd on the grid, and when the race started he overtook Wario. Then, on the last lap, Bowser crashed out of the lead and his fellow Koopa took their maiden win after 44 attempts! While it wasn't their championship hero, it was still a Koopa, and the crowd were ecstatic with joy.

The MIA could pat themselves on the back for a Cup well done, and a tiny return to normality in the long run. Standings below:

Image
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

So it's the evening after the Bowser's Castle round. Diddy Kong celebrates a well-earned podium and gets a phone call from home. It's his grandfather, Cranky Kong, telling him that there has been a "diplomatic incident" at home. The Kong family's hoard of bananas is totally gone.

This situation has been blamed on the King K. Rool Gang, who have been accused of attempting to usurp the Kong family by stealing their bananas. Other rumours have suggested that the empty banana hoard are due to the Kong cousins' imminent bankruptcy.

What it does mean is that Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong III are withdrawing from the 1994 Special Cup to deal with events at home.

Image

Bowser, in the emergency situation, has offered up the spare BMW kart to Para Troopa, who will make the second supersub appearance of his career!
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Butterfox
Posts: 6039
Joined: 30 Nov 2009, 19:45
Location: Stupid, sexy Flanders.

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Butterfox »

in case you missed the forum post, 1 grip and 1 setup.
I don't know what i want and i want it now!
Hammercat42
Posts: 41
Joined: 29 Oct 2021, 13:40

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hammercat42 »

Hammer Bros Racing Team is willing to spend a few tokens to improve their #12 car by the request of Foreman Spike.

The upgrades:

+2 Reliability (2 tokens)
+2 Aero (4 tokens)

Saved for next season 12 (10) tokens.
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

Hammercat42 wrote:Hammer Bros Racing Team is willing to spend a few tokens to improve their #12 car by the request of Foreman Spike.

The upgrades:

+2 Reliability (2 tokens)
+2 Aero (4 tokens)

Saved for next season 12 (10) tokens.
Absolutely, Mr. Spike. However, just to confirm that it is only engine and tyres that cost 2 tokens each. So those 2 aero upgrades will only cost you 2 tokens.
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
Hammercat42
Posts: 41
Joined: 29 Oct 2021, 13:40

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hammercat42 »

Rob Dylan wrote:
Hammercat42 wrote:Hammer Bros Racing Team is willing to spend a few tokens to improve their #12 car by the request of Foreman Spike.

The upgrades:

+2 Reliability (2 tokens)
+2 Aero (4 tokens)

Saved for next season 12 (10) tokens.
Absolutely, Mr. Spike. However, just to confirm that it is only engine and tyres that cost 2 tokens each. So those 2 aero upgrades will only cost you 2 tokens.


Slip of the finger,
+2 Reliability (2 tokens)
+2 Aero (2 Tokens)
(4 tokens total)
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

So before we get to the Cup, we have a little scrutineering news. After a mass of meetings due to the controversy and massive unpopularity of the scrutineering system, Yoshi and the MIA have been in talks. Words and money were shared, and a plot to oust the BMWs out of the Cup entirely were dismissed when BMW themselves offered suitable payments in response. As a result, when turning up at Koopa Beach, the organisers threw out the scrutineering process and allowed all karts to race.


Special Cup
Going into the final cup of this very turbulent season, Wario was the favourite among just about everyone to take the title come Rainbow Road. With a 12-point lead going in, all he needed to do was get a win or two as he usually dose, and sew up the title early.

At the first of the Koopa Beach double-header races, Bowser gave Wario an easy win. The BMWs took the front row as they seemingly always have done this season, and the reigning champion proceeded to bin it on the first lap. Wario won and extended his lead to 21 points with 27 remaining. In fact, it seemed more probable that with Toad's 2nd place at the event, he might even be in danger of losing runner-up.

Then the impossible happened. Bowser came back at the second double-header and finally showed the home crowd what he was made of. He took a dominating victory at his final home race, while Koopa had a strong running to take second. While the championship was almost certainly impossible, it was not entirely hopeless. At this point the title was a two-horse race, as it effectively has been all season.

Vanilla Lake hosted the penultimate round, and it was here that things really went haywire. Wario, who had retired from the previous round, retired for a second time here at The Lake! Bowser took an easy win alongside Daisy and Koopa (which I think is the first ever consecutive podium trio...). What it meant was, against all the odds, the Koopa King and reigning champion now had a shot at the title with only three points separating him and his teammate.

Rainbow Road, as always, was a deathtrap. Yoshi had won the two previous events at this legendary dangerous track, but after his season it was out of the question that he would take a third win here. All eyes were on the BMW pair, who again locked out the front row. Then, the moment happened: Bowser fell off the edge and retired from the race on the first lap, handing the 1993 Alt-Mario Kart Championship to Wario Jumpman. Further drama occurred when Jumpman's tyre exploded on the last lap, handing the win to Koopa Troopa, whose massive upturn in form following his first win saw him get five consecutive podiums!

And so the season was over. The championship teammates were very graceful, shaking hands and congratulating each other on a season well done. It was a massive record year for BMW, with both of their drivers dominating the championship, scoring 10 of the 16 wins, 14 of the 16 poles and 12 of the 16 fastest laps. Wario and Bowser are the only two to have led the championship all season, while thankfully their healthy rivalry on and off track helped ease the pain from the beginning of the season.

Image


Thank you for participating in yet another fun year of Mario Kart - it's the most political series there is!

Reject of the Year goes to Yoshisaur T. Munchakoopas: his rise to stewardship of the MKDA made him the most unpopular driver in the paddock bar Mario, and his infamous installation of the scrutineering system overshadowed the dreary season he had, finishing the season 8th and last of all the Mitsuyoshi runners.
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Frogfoot9013
Posts: 537
Joined: 11 Aug 2014, 12:25
Location: Connachta, Éire

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Frogfoot9013 »

Mario Mario wrote:Mario Mario shall be withdrawing from the MKDA, to start his own association, the MMDA (Mario Mario Driver Association). Only Mario Mario shall be a member of this association. The politics of the MKDA, as well as the MIA's politics, are ruining the prestige and integrity of the sport and a stand must be taken now.
James Hunt, commentating on the 1991 German Grand Prix wrote:The Benettons looking very smart together on the track, mostly because they're both going so slowly.
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

Frogfoot9013 wrote:
Mario Mario wrote:Mario Mario shall be withdrawing from the MKDA, to start his own association, the MMDA (Mario Mario Driver Association). Only Mario Mario shall be a member of this association. The politics of the MKDA, as well as the MIA's politics, are ruining the prestige and integrity of the sport and a stand must be taken now.
The MIA are impressed Mario lasted 9 months within the MKDA, but are equally regretful that he has left. While he thinks it empowers him, however, Mario will no longer have any influence on decisions that are made between the MIA and the drivers, and his direct line to the MIA has been cut off.

I'll also just say that the MMDA is totally open to other people if they want to join it. I don't know why they would, but they can go ahead if they want :P
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
User avatar
Rob Dylan
Posts: 2778
Joined: 18 May 2014, 15:34
Location: Andy Warhol's basement

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Rob Dylan »

In the Meantime

Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong Jr went to Donkey Kong Country. Their family fortune had been squandered stolen by various different animals that seem to be part of a gang run by some crocodile called King K. Rool. I don't pretend to understand the story, but that's just the way it is.

Going home broke and missing the Special Cup, they spent their time in their home country recovering their bananas. So, on a scale of 1 to 100, how did it go?

95

DK III and Diddy Kong are coming into 1995 as millionaires. So how much money will there be (tokens)?

33

So, who gets it percentage-wise?

63% to DK III. Congratulations to the both of them. So DK III gets 21 of them, and Diddy Kong gets 12.
Murray Walker at the 1997 Austrian Grand Prix wrote:The other [Stewart] driver, who nobody's been paying attention to, because he's disappointing, is Jan Magnussen.


Felipe Nasr - the least forgettable F1 driver!
Hammercat42
Posts: 41
Joined: 29 Oct 2021, 13:40

Re: Alt-Mario Kart 1994: Pillars of Sand

Post by Hammercat42 »

It was fun!

Next season, HBRT will be rolling with maybe the 94B or 95A chassis, we will see!
Post Reply